Dear Family, friends, past colleagues, and so on,

It's been an awful long time since I've written anything, hasn't it? So let me tell about my past, present, and future.

Past:

Last summer, visiting Canada with Pamela (my fiancée) and her parents was wonderful. It was fine weather, we covered an immense amount of ground, saw many things, drank fine Okanagan wines (and some Island wines too!), experienced the ocean, beaches, huge trees, mountains, Vancouver Traffic (It was certainly an experience, if not a good one...) canoeing, and a flight in a 6 seater plane. Oh, and we saw Humpbacks too. Better still, my sister was getting married so there was more than the usual amount of family gathered on the island. So my future family got to meet some of my "up to the present" family.

Present

Back in Germany, we had... and still have, high hopes; We want to find work in the same city, move in together, and plan our wedding. But it's been hard on us because it's not yet much further than hopes. We wanted to be together since the fall, and that hasn't worked out (YET! We are determined to be each other's destinies.)

I've been looking for a new theater; quietly, without causing trouble in my present workplace. And I've been discouraged with the results. There is some positive feedback, and some companies have expressed interest in me, but they've mostly been ones that I don't have interest in. I'm going to stop myself from going into details, and just assure you that there's "work problems" -including my dissatisfaction with my theater right now; It's just not enough for me. I've got the energy, the desire and (I hope) the talent to do more; to dance more. And Lüneburg doesn't offer that. I know that there's many worse companies in the world. And I know there's numerous dancers without any jobs at all. But still... I want to aspire to something better.

This feeling of... discouragement is part of the reason I've been so long silent; I've got a feeling that I want to write "happy things", and tell good news to people. It feels like I've always had an optimistic outlook, and I think that people (you, for example,) enjoy... that outlook. And without realising it I constrained myself to writing only positive good things. And since the summer, I haven't felt that there's been anything positive or good to write about.

And I've come to the conclusion that it was stupid of me to think that way. You are my "Dear Family and Friends..." which means you care about me both on good days and bad. It was somehow vain and self-centered of me to think that only I am caring and understanding when people are having a hard time; That I have no right share my own troubles with others. Well, I've said it at last: My life is difficult just now. And I've not got half of the cheery mood that I'm used to having.

Future

Ah yes: What is yet to come. This is another reason I haven't written; I've been in the constant hope of having good news to tell soon. "Surely, any week now, I'll be able to write about the new company I'll join next season." or "Pamela will find work here, and I'll tell about how excited we are to live together at last." or "We've worked things out! Our wedding will be on ___." I've been feeling that those sentences were just around the corner, and wouldn't it be nicer to write an e-mail about that, than to tell of patient, malcontent waiting?

But there is waiting. For all three of those things. We were hoping for our wedding this summer but it looks like it's just not time yet; there's so many other things we need sorted out first. And though it might be possible to have vacation at the same time, and book a flight to Canada to tie the knot, we wouldn't have time to enjoy planning it or preparing for it. Our wedding is something we want to savour, and there's too many other things on our plate at the moment.

We're sorry for all of the people who have been looking forward to this summer. How about the next? Perhaps a date like 07/08/09 ? (That's just a thought. I'll have to discuss it with Pamela of Course.)

I hope that you are all well... and that things are going more smoothly than they are for me. We send you our love, and ask that you don't feel too depressed from having read this.

We'll write as soon as there's something nice to say. That's a promise.

Matthew (and his Fiancée.)