Well... I'm passionate about someone... who doesn't want any thing the least bit intimate with me. What else is new?

So, I respect her, and care for her, and want nothing so much as her happiness. And there is nothing that I could do, that would make her happier, than if I forgot all about her, and lived my life to it's fullest without her at all. (Not really complete exclusion, just with nothing "Special" between us. She's fine with being a casual friend of mine.) Well... what can/could I do?

Without that much hope of success, I started seeing if I could forget all that I've felt for her. (Feel for her. -Yes, this attempt was unsuccessful.) One of the arguments I gave to myself was this: That no matter what she thinks... even if she decides I'm the nicest person she's ever met, and that I deserve to be with her... she would not be able to convince her heart that such is the case; Her heart is independent, and will feel whatever it wants, when ever it wants. It takes no care of what it's told to feel. -So... she could never make herself love me. -So, I should stop hoping that she'd "Understand at last."

I was rather proud with such a logical way of looking at it. It's good, don't you think?

But there is one little problem. Did you notice what it was?

This works both ways; Because no matter how many times I tell myself that She'll never love me, and that it wouldn't work out anyhow, and that I should forget, and move on, and continue my life and so on... I can not convince my heart. My heart takes no care of how it's told to feel; It loves her, and that's that. There's precious little I can do to change that. My passion for her is just as impervious as her passion for me.

So... is there any way out of this deadlock? Is it just a matter of seeing which one of us will change our ways first? Or do I just have to wait, and wait, and accept the fact that I will ALLWAYS love her... and at length, find a different love, which is greater than it. Oh hell: Wouldn't that mean waiting until I find a relationship?

No... it wouldn't; I was in a sort of similar situation when I was leaving Estonia: Passionate about Dijloong, but she was adamant that her feelings could never bloom. And how did that end? Very much bitter or melancholy poetry from me, and I still think of her at times, and wish that we could have been happy together. I did carry on with life though, without the little piece of my heart that was hers.

So then... I continue on, finding more and more extraordinary women, who tear another little piece out of my heart. Another piece, and another piece, and another piece. I am, Literally, losing heart.

Until one day. When... I will find a one who works with me. When there is True, reciprocal love, and... I enter into a true... relationship, (Oh! Happy day! come, oh come to me!) And then, the love I have; The love I feel; the love that I actually... receive. -These will repair my heart, and all the pieces will come back to me, and I will be whole. I will be complete again at last, and smile, and think of how all those other girls were Not the right ones, because here, In My VERY ARMS... is Perfection: Someone for me.

Oh, come to me, most happy day. come soon.