Well well well... I write at last!

When I just now saw the last time I wrote an e-mail, (Oct. 25) I could not refrain from letting out a little expletive. It's been Much too long since I've written, (and rather naughty of me, considering that I closed that November e-mail with a promise to write one to everyone for Christmas.)

Shall I give you a short list of my excuses, so as not to overly tire you with them?
Had to learn Cabaret.
Had to organize what to do with free days in January.
Had to decide out what to do at Christmas, and then go do it.

Actually, it doesn't look like so much, does it? But it has been. And add into that... something I'll tell you about later in this e-mail, and you'll see that it's been practically No free time. But... now... How about I expand on some of these "Excuses" of mine... considering that they're the only things I have to write about.

Oh! before I do though, Merry Christmas, happy New year, and My hopes for an excellent... post-holiday season! I haven't really had time to think, but when I did... it was of people... (meaning you: Family, friends, and... people.) Now, onto my explanations...

The (over)Work in the Theater.

On the 17th was the premiere of the Musical Cabaret. And the Ballet is in 9 scenes of this. (meaning we're on stage for at least 45 minutes, and that there are 5 or so dances that we have.) And we have to sing as well, (which seems a little odd to me: because we end up singing rather more than the Choir does. And it's not as if we're all musical-theater dancers: we've trained for Ballet, and collectively, have only about 10 years of singing experience between us -and 8 of those years are from me. Well... What ever. -If that's how the director wants the songs to sound, then that's how he shall have it. Oh, and in case you haven't thought of this little quirk of it yet: all the songs are in German, and less then Half of the group can pronounce the language properly. -But we still sing it on stage.)

Oh dear, that seems to have been something sitting heavily on my chest for a while. I hope I didn't embarrass myself too badly by having it out here, in a public e-mail like that.

Ah right: I was telling about Cabaret. Well, when I said that "we" have 5 dance numbers, I meant that the Girls have. For half of them, the men stand at the back, dressed up in drag, and pretend to play instruments, as the Band in the Cabaret club. We, (the transvestite band,) then have some small moments, when we come to the center of the stage, and do some dance steps with our instruments, BUT... as I have a double bass... there's not so much that I'm capable of doing. (Although, I think I do a pretty good job of looking like a seductive musician/dancer, considering the limitations that I have.)

Anyhow, This theater is once again putting me on stage as a woman, and I have to say, that my legs look pretty good. I'll try to get some pictures onto my website in the next month or two. One interesting note, especially to those that remember me Dancing in Victoria... the Fringe Festival, where there was this camp number with me, and Michelle and Kathy...

Well, we did a crowd pleaser, to "Two Ladies"... and I'm Now doing "Two Ladies" for real, (I'm referring to the musical Number! Not to my private life! Don't think of me like that! :-) Of course... this IS Detmold, one of the most "liberal" theaters I know of, so I'm now, One of the Ladies. (And I'm encouraged to Sing like a banshee.) The only other thing I can say, is that it seems to be a crowd pleaser now too. (Those who know me well should be not all that surprised, that I am Hamming this up to the highest degree, and playing the roll of Blond German "Girl" for everything it's worth.)

To end this entirely too long section on Cabaret, I'll say, that even though my parts in it are not all that exciting, (excluding 2 ladies, and this other solo bit I do sometimes, where I'm a tap-dancing gorilla in a wedding dress -Don't Ask!) I over all still enjoy the musical. There are some top rate songs there, and I'm learning how to play the double-bass, (sort of,) and not having too much stress for that performance.

My Free Days in January.

So... although Cabaret is not entirely bad... it's not exactly what I want to be doing most either, and frankly, neither are the other pieces that we're doing in the theater. (I still have a Classical Ballet Dream.) So, I decided that with our 9 days of Winter vacation, to go auditioning. On the days from Jan. 3 to 8, I am going, (though from your time of reference, I WENT,) to Dessau, Leipzig, Chemnitz, Halle, (Or possibly Magdeburg,) Koblenz and Wiesbaden. (To the theaters in these cities, to Audition for next season, you understand.) So, for the past month, I've been looking on the internet at these, (and 20 other companies,) and calling them, and arranging places to stay in the selected cities. And now, in fact, at the moment of writing this, I am in the youth Hostel in Dessau, at 43 minutes after 8 in the evening, on Sunday, the 2nd. (And, if you're curious about these cities, but too lazy to go look in an atlas, they're all in Germany, and near to each other in the East, except for the last two, which are a little to the west of the Center of Germany.) I was actually planning on going up to some theaters in the north of Germany just after Christmas, but I couldn't get into contact with them in time.

Anyhow, I planned on writing this, and a number of e-mails over the next week, in the hostels, and on the trains going here and there, but it looks as if I might even finish this off tonight.

Ah! Perhaps not: I just thought of something else that I'll say before I get onto the subject of Christmas.

When news of the underwater earth quake filtered and percolated it's way down to me, (It always take a while, when you're in a foreign language, which makes you not bother to listen to the news on radio or TV.) Well, when I heard about it, I thought as I always have: "What a horrible thing. I would like to help, or assist. -but... I'm a Ballet dancer, just now out of debt, (In the past, it was "A student" or "In debt with my student loan.") -And I really don't have the money to spare." -Such is the way that I am. -And I can not say that I feel proud, or even entirely comfortable with that fact, because I... Want to be better, and to donate to their relief anyhow.

Well, back to my story: On the 28th, (feeling depressed that I couldn't get in contact with any theaters, and was staying around in Detmold,) I went to a little dinner party for the birthday of the father of a friend. And the Friend, (Kathrin,) Said that she was organizing a benefit concert in two days. "Would I come to it? Can you Dance in it?" To which I had to laugh, considering that it's in a little church hall, and that I know nothing at all which could be suited to the situation. But I was stunned none the less: That she was also a broke artist, (Pianist, scraping by with teaching and accompanying.) But she was still doing something. On the inspiration of the moment, pulling together this musical concert by her boot straps.

I was in open admiration of her.

And the next evening, I went over to her place with some music I had. And asked which piece she found most suitable. -And, despite my reservations, told her that I'd see what I could improvise as choreography, in the next 20 hours. And that's what I did, until 1:00 in the morning. And the next day, I went and saw just how small the stage was, and how slippery the carpet on it was, and told her, "Sure, I'll do it." And so, I went, and sewed myself a simple pair of loose pants, (because neither I, nor she, had anything that would look right as a costume,) and at 5 that afternoon, had my "Choreographic Premiere." -Not that it even deserves to be called that: It was about the most unprofessional thing that I've ever done: even more so than when I danced in one of the rooms of the Canadian Embassy in Estonia, (At least it was real choreography there, and with costumes, even if it was only as a guest at their Christmas Party.) The point though, was not to be professional; Not at all! The point was to give, what ever I had to give, for the benefit of those in South Asia.

And it was nice, that the small room of people appreciated my dancing, and didn't look upon it as amateur, (Which it really was, in my eyes.) But it was Much more gratifying -It was no less than astounding to me, That 3 poor music students, a little girl who sung, and myself, ended up raising 1200 Euros.

(Yes; I could say to myself that it Was the PUBLIC who did that, Because it WAS them, but... Can't I feel that I was ... in some way, a part of it too?) Well... it was amazing to me. and I still feel proud of it.

Christmas Time
And now, (Or actually, I think I will write this tomorrow,) I shall tell about Where I ended up for Christmas This year.

So, after much contemplation, and wondering, I ended up going to the house of a family of a friend, in a suburb of Berlin. And I had a rather nice 48 hours there- Eating, talking, eating, singing, eating, opening gifts, eating, preparing food with the family, eating, going for a walk around the lake the town is on, eating again, talking with my family on the phone, eating more... and coming back to Detmold, to have a performance of Cinderella on the 26th. This must have been the most full I'd been in YEARS. -And much of the food surprised me with it's subliminity, (if that's a word...) The Curried pumpkin and shrimp soup was totally unexpected, but absolutely delicious! (As an example.)

One thing I found a little strange about it though, is that there were not a great number of people around; It was only my friend, her parents, a cousin, with his parents, and the one surviving grand-parent. So, with me, we were a party of 8. No visiting friends -and no long distance phone calls, (except for Mine! :-) Because, and this was the strangest part for me, That group of seven was the ENTIRE Family. two single children, with their parents, and one grandparent. Now, I suppose that this would seem normal to some, but my overly fertile family has provided me with a good 20 cousins, and no less than Seven grandparents! (three of them have new partners, you see... and I guess in theory, as both my parents have re-married, I have their new spouses parents as well, as some sort of step-grand-parents.) So, it was a bit of an odd concept to me.

Well, I had an excellent time there, and was about as happy as I've ever been, for a Christmas away from Canada. And for new-years, I went to celebrate with this family again, although in Detmold this time, so it was only my friend and her parents. And do you know what? I really enjoyed that too. I must say though, that this family is a great lover of wines. And, seeing as I was also at their place for a pre-Christmas, Advent Brunch, I've probably drunk more wine and Champaign in the last two weeks, than I normally do in a year or two. (And that's only having a half glass of each, to simply "try it" -As I dream of being educated in all things, Including the qualities of wine, and the knowledge of which are "Good", in which situations, and with which foods.)

And... I don't know what else to say now... Have I missed any thing about my holidays? Well... nothing comes to my mind... or Pamela's. -That would be the name of my friend. -Who's place I'm at this moment, typing, after getting back from my week of January audition, (WHAT is Matthew talking about? well, oh. -I was going to tell you to go and read the last entries on my website... without remembering that this is an e-mail. Oops. Ah-Ha!!! But I've already written about my auditioning earlier, so you know about all that! well- my little dilemma is solved!) So... I got back to Detmold today, and I'm at Pamela's, and... well... Hmmmm...

I never know how transparent I am, and you might all be rolling your eyes, and wondering why I'm beating around the bush so. Or, of course I might be completely subtle, and you haven't had the slightest indication that... She is My Girlfriend. (And I'm grinning like some kind of mad fiend right now, because she's sitting beside me reading this as I type it.) Yes... I'm quite... child-like, and rejuvenated in this love. And very happy, and ... so on and so on, dripping sweetness and syrup like no one's business. -Which I'm not sure that everyone wants to hear, so I'll try to keep my happy rejoicing at my luck to a minimum.

Anyhow, did I have a point, or something I wanted to say there? I can't remember. (It's the warm glow effect: I find that many things are not so important to me now, compared to the bright light of our affection.) Well... Of course, Nothing in my life is easy, so though we've been "together" for one month, (more or less: We just got closer by slight degrees, so it's impossible to fix a certain date, when we were "A Pair.") Well, as I was saying, we've been together for a month, and we already have... the challenge, or test, of making a distance relationship work: because she's got work in Köln. And that's a good two hours away. So, We only see each other (from now on,) on the weekends, when she visits her family. (And... -Smile! ME! tee hee hee. I warned you that I'm young, and silly in my life with love.)

Anything else that needs telling? Well... perhaps I ought to introduce her properly, I guess.

>I call out: Pamela! Pamela -come here! Would you like to meet my family, and friends... and assorted colleagues and what not?

>She says, somewhat reservedly: Yeah.

>And tells me to "Take that BACK! At once!"
But I won't. I WILL, (To avoid our first argument,) Explain that she was only "Reserved" about it, because... I'm such a completely strange, person, and she wasn't sure what the heck I meant, or expected her to say. It would be like... if I walked up to you, and held a microphone up to your face, and demanded that you speak.

What would you say? It's just not... easy to understand. (And there's a game I know of, that goes something like that: where someone has to make a speech, and the trick of it is, that this is supposedly the exact speech that they will make on their wedding day. I've never played it, but it sounds like... well... a rather silly thing to do, when you're young. -Or drunk.)

So... back to introducing Pamela:

She is Older than me... but I don't know by how much. She's German, and lovely, and slightly offended that her age is the first thing I mention, (With good right, I suppose.) And she's... (Let me see if I can get this right... ) A... Landscape... ?Architect?

(I Got it RIGHT!!! It's not "Designer", or what not.)

She's got perfect English, (So I can continue in my lazy ways, and not learn the language here properly,) -Yes I know that's bad of me. (And If I ever forgot, Pamela would surely remind me.) And...well... what else is there to say? I already told you that her family is a pack of wild-eyed wine conneseures. And I think she was the youngest person to join the local wine club. (Have YOU ever heard of a wine club? they... drink a lot of wine, I guess. And talk about wine. And borrow books about wine from each other... and... well, they go on big, group field trips to Italy or wherever, to buy local wines, and to visit wineries... and generally... hmmm... just have lots of fun enjoying wine, I guess.)

Should I try getting back on track now? Yes, I guess so. There's not a great deal more that I can tell everyone about her, because, honestly... she's not all that talkative. So, I know some strange little things, about playing "Window Washer" in the bath when she was young, or climbing trees... but there's not much else... that defines her as the person she is Now, that springs to my mind. Hmmmm... She doesn't read enough, although she has good taste in books. (She seems to view reading as a luxury, and not something that is one of the most basic human rights, no, make that Necessity. And so, she only reads... when she feels there's -Free time. -Or something like that.)

What else? OH! She's just informed me that she's One Meter, and 63 centimeters tall... (Not that that mean anything to any of us westerners. it's...five foot something.) And she does Ballet as a hobby, and -OH RIGHT! She's a theater fanatic, and sees every new piece in our theater. And... I'm sure there are some basic, fundamental traits that I could mention, but I just can't pin down in my mind what they would be.

I can tell you the special little peculiarities about her that I adore but if they aren't sickeningly sweet little verbal caresses, then they may be simply boring. let's see...

She wears minimal make-up. She keeps the ear-rings small, most of the time. She wears wonderful, simple, neutral coloured clothes, that are stylish... but not in the garish, forward, in-your-face way of modern "style." She's breath-takingly beautiful. (And she makes a slightly disapproving "Tsk" sound at me as I write that, but I completely ignore it, because she IS. -beautiful, I mean.) She wears sensible shoes. She can appreciate my twisted, odd, and unique sense of humor. She's artistic, in character. (does that make any sense? "No," says Pamela.) -She has the... Soul, or the Character of ... artistry. I guess that means she's creative... and aesthetically aware, -or do I mean aesthetically mature. NOW have I made some sense? -hmmm... perhaps.)

She has good taste in books, (As I've said before -"Yes Pamela, I KNOW that I've said that before... but I think it's something important.") Oh, and she plays the Piano, but I love her anyhow. (Tee hee, I'm AUFULL, aren't I? Considering that my girlfriend, AND my brother play the piano... But... I've got my own little objections to the instrument, for artistic reasons. Well I'm Sorry, but the sound of a piano has no Character. It's too neutral. And because of that, I find that every piece Sounds better, (from having more emotion, or character in the sound,) if arranged for orchestra, or some ensemble of other instruments.)

And I think that I've written way, WAY too much about her by now, and that I ought to let you go, and find other ways of spending your time online.

Anyhow, this has let you know, rather accurately, what my life and head is full of these days. (one quarter work, one quarter new work, and one half Pamela. :-) So... One more time, sorry that I took so long to write this. And I could promise that I'll write again for Easter... but that would mean you shouldn't expect anything until ... the summer holidays?

So, good night to all, and I wish you a great... continuation of the new year.

Matthew, (With Pamela at his side. -And SUCH a big smile, at getting a chance to write that.)