Poetry of SlyM
Song of a drunken Bachelor
There is a beauty in this world; it passed me by.
There is a beauty in this world; it let me die.
There is a beauty in this world; it let me cry.
I care not why, for it has made me sigh.
At first I thought it fun and games and truly great.
At first it was flirtation which did not abate.
But now I find myself, I really truly hate.
For there is only lust which fills my state.
How can I function in this horrid, wretched way?
When I am not myself through every night and day?
When it's not me in every single word I say?
And all around me turns from flesh to clay.
The one I've come to love hangs off another's chest.
And worst of all, I've come to love Her all the best.
So now each waking moment steals my precious rest.
I notice every moment how she's dressed.
I love her. Fuck, I love her. That is all I am.
Though now, my soul, this love will surely curse and damn.
Each neural network in my head with her thoughts cram.
But is this not, each word, a drunken scam?
How could I love; She just so very recent met?
How could such feelings grand, and great develop yet?
The same way that these feelings change into regret.
When she's with someone else all tete-a-tete.
So now I take each thought of her that I can find
And do my best to pluck it, tear it from my mind,
Or form about her thought, a tough ignoring rind.
But they all bind too much to leave behind.
Yet I must try, forever and a lonely night
To exorcise these feelings, force each one to flight.
With hopes, eventually, my thoughts will function right
Thought still it might be but a hopeless fight.
I wish for freedom now, that's all I'd like to gain.
To leave this house, Her company, my thoughts insane.
To get away from all these founts of dreadful pain.
And cleanse myself with mingled tears and rain.
But I'll just sit here, through what's left of this night's span
Repressing all the strong emotions that I can
Just like the caricature of normal, foolish man.
That is my simple, stupid, humble plan.
O Masha, I loved you.
Forgive me, but that's true.
I know that the love grew
While you had not one clue
Please have patience now through
My trying to undo
My mind's sticky-sweet stew
Like sugar and white glue;
The passion that's still new
Which came from the wild blue.
Like out of my heart's brew
A great feeling you drew
And after it, I too
Straight at you, with haste flew.
For Masha, I loved you.
Forgive Me.
Written 19.11.00 and 25.12.00