I was reading Desmond Morris's Manwatching, and found myself reflecting my own personality. It was under the heading of "Territorial Behavior." He stated the ways that humans have a feeling of Tribal, Familial, and Personal space. Now, I'm going to go through them in reverse order.

I've always known that I... don't have a normal sense of personal space. I don't mean a sense of Other's personal space; -that was something that I slowly learned about, and which I can now -sometimes, appreciate. I mean my own. The only feeling I'll normally have when someone intrudes on my "personal space," is this: "Aha! This is the situation that other people would feel is an invasion of personal space!" I personally don't feel intruded on. It's just that... there is a person there. Ok. What is that to me?

I am not one hundred percent without a notion of what it feels like, but I'm certain it's less than what most people experience. I've Learned to follow the pattern of choosing a seat not to close or too far from others on a mostly empty bus. -I will even try to figure out what it means, when someone else Doesn't follow this pattern. But I'm not sure how much of it is truly my own natural feeling, and how much is what I've Learned, about how the world, and social interactions work. Anyhow, I've always known that I've got a rather underdeveloped sense of Personal Territory.

Now, there's the Family, or Home Territory. This was the first time I thought about it with relation to myself. Moriss describes it as the Home, which is a territory shared by the family. He describes it as one's... Home territory. (Hmmm.) Where a person is Safe, and also, the Master. -Meaning, that he has a higher status there, in that place, than anyone who's just visiting. He also describes how houses are set up with varying degrees of intimacy: That anyone can come into our front lawns. That general visitors are welcome into our halls, and sitting rooms. And that a closer intimacy is felt, when someone is brought to our dining room. Much closer still, when they come into the Kitchen. And then, the bedroom, is the most private place of all, that only the closest of friends are ever to to see. -It's the most private, and personal room for a person. Now, all of this makes sense to me, and I can see it all as typically true. But not in my case.

I wonder now, how many people I make feel a bit uncomfortable, with my lax, relaxed ways. I never feel comfortable in my own home, when I have the feeling that my guests are not -feeling fully "at home" themselves. To take Morris's idea, I hate having the Dominance over them, which is put upon them by being in my own house. For me, no room is more private than another. For example, I feel awkward, when I'd like to show someone a picture, or a photo album, which is in my room. It's so obvious to me, that we'll both go to my bedroom, because that's where the picture(s) are. And then comes the awkward moment, when the guest thinks "am I meant to wait here, while he fetches the picture?" -and I think "Is the guest wanting to wait here, while I go and fetch the picture?" My bedroom is just another room! It doesn't matter! My whole home, is not special to me. (Not in That way.) If someone knows me enough to come as far as the door, then I feel they know me enough to go through the cupboards looking for a glass to drink from, go through my books, to look for one that interests them, or even to go through my closet, looking for a sweater, if they should happen to feel cold.

Also, Morris describes the way that people have a strong tendency to put obvious borders to their home property: Fences, shrubs, and so on. All to divide "out there" from "My Territory." And what do I think of as the ideal home's garden? One without borders. One that just... flows into the rest of the world. One that doesn't express a closed space. One that is just a part of... the rest. It reminds me also of the way that I greatly prefer open doors to closed doors. (I disconcert many people with one habit: I like to sleep with my door open. It gives me a feeling of freedom, and relaxedness. The only two factors that discourage it now, are the different times that I and my flatmates sleep, and the discomfort I imagine it would cause Them, -to have the feeling that my door's always open. OK, there's one other factor now as well: Pamela has a normal sense of Sleeping being a private business, so she prefers to be in a closed room when she's asleep.)

The last one now, is Tribal Territory. It's described as starting with the tribes of a couple hundred people, at the most, of ancient pre-history. Then it's described as the gentlemen's clubs, the youth gangs, the Unions, social cliques, and so on. All these groups of today, consisting of a few hundred members a person knows fairly well, which gives them a sense of Belonging, and of being a part of... a tribe. I at first thought that I... belong to none of them. Not a single Group.

Then I thought that I belong to countless groups: Choirs, Theaters, Dance Groups, Star-trek enthusiasts, Origami Enthusiasts, SF fans, Literature lovers, poets, photographers, foreigners in Germany, Healthfood lovers, Curry lovers, Cooks, computer programmers, Mathmatics enthusiasts... and the list just goes on and on. But, reading further, and having a better idea about what a Tribal Group is... excludes nearly all of these: First of all, for me to be part of the Group... there should be others in the group that I interact with. In my LIFE, I've only met one person who makes Origami at the same level that I do. (This is the level of dedicating an hour or more to one model.) -and we didn't spend more than a couple minutes, comparing which books we know of and like. Also, nearly None of the groups I thought of have a Territory. (Even if the territory is nothing more than a single room, or office.) My actual feeling, is that the only possibility, is that the Theater is my "tribe." That has a location, where "we" belong, and other people don't. That has the group of people that I know, and who know me.

And I suppose, that it really Could be called my Clan, or Tribe. But it also feels... a bit different. And the fact that it's my workplace also makes it feel -as if it's something else. It's not the feeling of unity, and elitism, that I imagine other groups having. I'm not "Of this group." I just Work in this Theater. Still... I guess that it's nearly -a tribal territory thing.

In the past though, I think that Choir could have been a proper Group that I was part of. We had our meetings, we had our uniform, we had our symbols of unity, (folders of music.) We had a Feeling of Group.

So... I seem to have very, very little sense of Territory. If, indeed, I have any at all. The concept of it has always felt contrived to me, but I do my best to respect this... idea, of others. And if there's any doubt still, about my having an abnormal sense of privacy, and personal space, then I call this website to witness. That might be an indicator about my views of private and public differentiation.